


The Real Melinda

by tessdebelle



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 5x15 Spoiler Tag, F/M, Sleep Deprivation, hallucination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-17 19:11:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14195811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tessdebelle/pseuds/tessdebelle
Summary: After four days without sleep, a person will begin to hallucinate. Which is exactly what Phil thinks is happening when Melinda comes to find him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I’ve been playing around with this idea (big thanks to @studiocapsicum, who mentioned that with sleep deprivation torture Phil could have hallucinations) and finally got it down. Takes place after the events of 5x15. Warning, angst ahead, proceed with caution.

Phil’s head was against the wall as he sat in the room he’d been given, waiting for the next attack, trying not to wonder what it would be and failing. Every time he drifted towards sleep, lights would flash and music would blast in his ears, making it so he couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t been given any food, but he suspected he would be at some point - they wanted to torture him, but they wanted him alive, and he was sure that Hale somehow had assessed his current state of health.

At least sleep deprivation and a lack of food were better than dealing with Creel, who for some reason was working with Hale, or her psychotic daughter. He wasn’t particularly afraid of any of it - he wasn’t afraid to die. But he didn’t want to die without saying a proper goodbye to his team, or after his last memory with Melinda was them fighting.

It had been four days since he’d last gotten sleep, and he’d been paranoid and getting spots in his vision for a day or so, though the paranoia may have been more about his situation than the sleep.

He had just shut his eyes when the music blasted again and he winced, palms pressed hard to his ears trying to block out the noise. “I’m awake!” He shouted, sure there was a camera but not where it was.

Phil was so distracted by the loud music that he didn’t hear noise in the hallway until it finally stopped and he recognized the sound of a body falling to the ground. He scrambled on the floor, trying to stand and face whoever was coming. The door opened and he waited, feeling his heart thud in his chest - more painful every day - expecting an attacker and finding himself staring into warm, familiar brown eyes.

“Melinda.” He said softly. Normally he said May, he always said May, it helped remind him who they were to each other, but after four days of sleep and not seeing her, thinking he might never see her again, he would be damned if he’d use last names.

“Phil.” She said, looking relieved and coming closer. The spots appeared in his vision once again, the world blurring at the edges around him. This wasn’t real. It was a hallucination. Was anything real anymore? The hard floor beneath him felt real, as did the bruises on his arms and the pain in his chest every time his heart would give another beat.

But Melinda wasn’t.

He waved dully, laughing to himself. “Third fake version of you.” He said smiling to himself, sounding crazy even to his own ears. “This version is the best one so far. Radcliffe’s was almost right, but I guess my own imagination generally will get it all right. Though you don’t usually look that happy to see me, so I guess we know where it’s wrong.” He said, smiling to himself.

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. He was a deadweight, and she managed to pull him half up before he collapsed back, and she fell half on top of him, landing close.

“I can’t believe my imagination got your scent right too.” He said. “I get a gift before I die. That’s nice.” He said smiling dumbly. What a way to go - hallucinating the woman he loved.

“Come on, we need to get you out of here. There’s no time for this!” She shouted angrily. He smiled. That was the Melinda he was used to.

“I’m gonna die anyway.” He said, head falling back against the wall as she pulled at his arm. “You’re not even here.”

She stared at him and cupped his cheek. He leaned into her hand, nuzzling her skin, until he realized she was just studying his face - checking the dilation of his eyes, the circles beneath them, brushing her fingertip over his dried and cracked lips. “I’m going to kill Hale.” She growled. “Phil, this is real, and I really need your help.”

“Hale. Hale Hydra. Did you know Hale was Hydra?”

She let out a groan of annoyance and picked up one of his arms, slinging it around her shoulders and using it to lift him up. “For a slim guy you’re heavier than you look.” She said. “And Daisy already made that joke.”

“I can’t believe I am going to die before I get to kiss you again. Well not again. It wasn’t really you, doesn’t really count.”

Melinda froze and he leaned against her drowsily, on the edge of consciousness. “The LMD. You kissed the LMD.” She said.

“Shhh. Don’t tell real Melinda.” He said pressing a finger sloppily to his mouth. “It was a nice kiss. But not as good as the real thing. Probably. I only know from being undercover.” He said smiling to himself remembering undercover missions with her. “I hope she lives a good long life once I’m dead.”

“The hell I will!” She shouted angrily, nearly dropping him on the floor.

“S’fine. Not really you. Closer than the others.” He said. “Agent 33 was my least favorite, for obvious reasons. But I guess this version won’t try to kill me, so that’s a plus.”

“You’re such an idiot. Why am I in love with you?”

Definitely a hallucination. The real May wouldn’t say that.

“I’m really cute.”

She snorted and half dragged him out of the room and down the hall. “Fine, I’ll give you that. You’re very cute, Phil. You’re also a pain in my ass.”

He smiled and winced in pain, pressing a hand to his chest. “Come on, just a little bit longer. The plane is so close.” She said.

“I don’t want to let go of this. I don’t want to stop dreaming and be in a world where we’re just colleagues again.” He said. “I want to kiss you now but it’s not real and it won’t be real.”

She made a frustrated noise and spun, wrapping her arms around him to hold him up and kissing him deeply. His lips were dry and rough, but she was warm and soft and gave him the strength to move. It felt… So real.

“If you make it through this, you can do that again when you’re awake.” She said, breaking through the haze. He couldn’t tell what was real - did she really just kiss him? Or was it all a hallucination?

Maybe it didn’t matter. It still helped him to get through the base and to the plane, where he collapsed on a mat, immediately falling asleep, and, rather than dreaming about her and his death, he fell into a peaceful, dreamless sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil wakes up and Melinda explains what happened when he thought he was hallucinating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't expect to write a sequel to this, but a LOT of people wanted it. And (since I'm not Mo and Jed) I give fans what they want ;)

“Is he awake yet?” 

“Daisy, you need to be patient. He hasn’t eaten or slept in four days. He needs his rest.”   


“It’s been two and a half. Are you sure he’s okay?”   


“Yes. He talks in his sleep. I heard him say something about Cap a couple hours ago.”

Phil rolled over with a groan, flinging an arm over his face and grimacing. He didn’t want to be awake. Every part of him ached, he was starving, and his head especially throbbed. 

“Oh my god, I think he’s awake!”

He made another groaning noise hearing Daisy and tried to sit up, wincing. He looked up to see Daisy and May at the door of the room, which he now realized was his room in the lighthouse. He hadn’t even recognized it. “I can’t be awake, I feel too much like death.” He said, flopping back to the sheets making Daisy laugh. May just rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of the bed, grabbing a pillow and propping him up. The sheets fell down to his hips and Daisy looked alarmed.

“Where the hell did that scar come from?” She asked sounding worried. “Is it about the deal?”

Phil looked down at his chest and touched the healed scar tissue from the staff. He hadn’t even realized he was shirtless - someone (hopefully May) must have changed his shirt. He could also feel that he was wearing boxers and sweats. “Your clothes needed to be washed. You actually could really use a shower.” May said.

“It’s an old injury. The one that killed me before.” He explained to Daisy. Wordlessly, May grabbed a shirt and offered it to him. He slipped it on - thin cotton with the SHIELD logo on it. “I think I lost this shirt a few years ago. I thought I left it in the hotel on that undercover op in Vancouver.” He said looking at May skeptically.

“I forgot my pajamas. Snuck into your room and stole this, forgot to give it back.” She said.

“Forgot?” He asked smirking as Daisy looked at them in shock.

“It looks better on me.” May said. He and Daisy both laughed, but his laugh turned into a wince. He touched his chest and Daisy looked worried. She was about to say something when his stomach growled. 

May chuckled. “Daisy, why don’t you go get Coulson something to eat?” She asked pointedly. Daisy looked like she wanted to object, but a stern look from May had her scampering off with her tail between her legs. 

Phil relaxed back on the bed, part of him wanting to drift off to sleep again but a much larger part wanting to stare at Melinda, who looked… Concerned.

“Something is wrong.” He said, sitting up with a wince. His arms felt weak after days at Hale’s compound and then spent sleeping. “Is it someone on the team?”

“What do you remember of getting out of the compound?” She asked him.

He attempted to recall the events of being taken out of it. Phil remembered Melinda helping him and struggling to walk, and they had been talking. “Bits and pieces. I think I was hallucinating most of it.” He confessed. “I probably sounded like I did when I’d just gotten my wisdom teeth removed. I’m sure it was hilarious.” He tried to joke, hoping to lighten up the mood. 

“It really wasn’t. You were convinced you were hallucinating at the time, actually.” She said, twisting her hands in her lap. “But you said some pretty crazy things.”

“Like what?” He asked. Phil was getting worried. Was it bad? He really had no idea.

“You started talking about different versions of me. Convinced that there was Agent 33, and the LMD, and that this was just another fake version of me who this time you’d imagined.” She said.

“Couldn’t be happier to have been wrong.” Phil said honestly. 

Melinda put her hand over his. “You said that you kissed the LMD.”

Phil looked down at his lap. “Yeah. That happened.” He said. “We can just forget I said it, it doesn’t really matter.”

She shook her head. “Of course it matters. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed. “Because the last thing you remembered, we were talking about opening that goddamn bottle. We hadn’t made any steps towards being together yet, and I thought we might be headed there, but I didn’t know. I took those steps with the LMD that should have been with you.” He said. “You were at the start of this new thing. For me, we’d already kissed. I was already planning a first date in my head.”

She smiled. “Where?”

“Remember that safe house we went to a couple years ago?” He asked. “The one with the full kitchen? Last I know it was still viable. I’d take you there and cook. Maybe some nice grilled salmon.” He said smiling. 

“Sounds nice.” She said. “Well, I didn’t get that far, but I did get the first kiss.”

“What?” He asked, looking at her. “Undercover missions don’t count.”

Melinda smirked at him knowingly until Phil made the connection. “Did I seriously miss our first real kiss?” He asked, sounding annoyed. “I am going to kill Hale.” He said.

“Not if I do first.” She said smirking. “Shove over.”

He moved to the edge of the bed so that Melinda could join him, and she tucked herself neatly against his body. He moved his fingers up and down her spine, smiling. “Does that mean I get to remember kiss number two?” He asked.

She nodded and kissed him gently. He cradled her head in his hands, savouring the smell and taste of her and feeling more alive than he had since making that deal.

And, he could tell, Melinda wasn’t intending to let him go that easy. 


End file.
